Cereal eating

I was eating a bowl of cereal today and remembered how cereal eating was completely different when I was a kid. Before the days of Malt-O-Meal in the big bags. Back when you could actually get a cool prize right in the box without having to collect 13 UPC codes and pay $49.99 in shipping and handling to send off for your prize. Back when eating cereal was an entire ritual. Here is that ritual (not recommended if you're over 10 years old):

(1) Fill your bowl to the top with cereal. If it's of the pre-sugared variety (Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs, Golden Grahams), skip to step 3. If it's a non-pre-sugared cereal (Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies, Cheerios), continue to step 2.



(2) Pour at least 1/4-cup of sugar on the top of your cereal. It's a miracle I didn't develop type-2 diabetes from doing this.



(3) Assemble the Eating Fortress Of Solitude. Take three cereal boxes and assemble them around your head. This allows you to immerse yourself in cereal, and really get yourself in the zone. The cereal zone.



(4) Hork down your cereal like it's going to get soggy in less than 45 seconds.



(5) Repeat steps 1-4 at least four times or until severe cramping prevents you from being able to move.

(6) Go watch cartoons.

Note to parents: I assume no liability if your children experience any ill effects from following this ritual. Kids today just don't have the cereal stamina that kids had 20 years ago.