Nov 29, 2008

My new store

Today I decided that if I ever open a store, it will be catered to fashionistas, cougars, and people who think Madonna is an inspiration. I'm going to call the store "Ugly On The Inside".

It's going to be huge. There will be:




The whole irony of it will be that the idiots who will actually shop there won't get the joke. And I will be rich.

Nov 15, 2008


I got tired of the plain old black background and title, so I changed them. What could be better than a new wood-floor background and a disgusting phrase for the new blog title? And it's gluten free! My sister-in-law should appreciate that.

Gluten is actually not the devil, Jessica. It's an important source of nutritional protein, and is also useful as an additive for foods low in protein. Now what do you think?

That's what I thought.

Nov 4, 2008

Halloween hair horror

So this year we decided to be trailer trash for original.

I was a hillbilly trucker.

Di had a baby and one on the way. Check out that boob tattoo.

So I grew out my beard, then shaved my chin and the sides of my face past my mustache to make chops. I was going to shave it all off the next day. I started, but only got through 90% of the chops when disaster electric razor broke. So now we had no functioning electric razors in the house. I scraped the remaining 10% of the chops off with a straight razor, but I was stuck with the mustache until I could buy a new razor...which didn't happen for a week.

What I looked like all week, minus the chops...and the mullet...and the cigarette.

Mmm, makes me want to go shoot something and eat it.