Ferret people

What's the difference between a ferret and a rat?  Absolutely nothing.  They're rodents, they'll bite you, they poop everywhere, and they're both kept as pets by people living in trailer parks.  Excuse me, "mobile estates".  Come to think of it, there is a big difference between the two:  Ferrets are shaped like sausages, as you can see in Figure 1 below.

Figure 1

Did you notice something unusual in Figure 1?  You'd be correct if you noticed that these ferrets' owner actually has wood floors in his/her trailer...excuse me...mobile home.

I once caught myself watching a PBS documentary about ferret people, where I learned the horrid, horrid ferret song.  Congratulations, that will be stuck in your head for the rest of the day.  Use this song to get it out.

Ferrets are not better than dogs.  Ferrets are not better than cats.  Ferrets are slightly better than birds (sorry, Brett and Tara, but it's true).  According to one study, 99.9% of people would rather have an STD than a ferret.  The other 0.1% of people actually have both a ferret and an STD, which they contracted from their ferret.

Christmas creep

 
Seeing as it's December, we have been listening to quite a bit of Christmas music (upon Redd's insistence). Of course, no matter what station/mix you listen to, there are only so many Christmas songs in existence, so there are bound to be repeats. Lots of repeats. Just by different artists. One stands out in particular, not because of it's catchy tune or it's holiday cheer factor, but because it is just plain creepy. It doesn't matter if it's Dean Martin or Jessica Simpson...creepy. Here's an excerpt: 

Baby It's Cold Outside

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

 
What's in this drink? Wha? It sounds like a play by play of a date rape if you ask me. I think I'll stick with Ava Maria.

Zombies

If you know me (Di), you know I love me some zombies (and yes, I also love cats). Many a night, I have laid awake thinking of the impending zombie war, which leads to some freaky, freaky dreams. What supplies would I need? I actually know of someone who keeps a sickle hanging in their garage just to be prepared. We all know you have to destroy the zombie brain and what better instrument than a sickle? Should we invest in a apocalyptic survival vehicle or just board up the house and hope those suckers were of the slow, lurching Night of the Living Dead variety instead of freakishly strong I Am Legend breed (plus, they were CGI, which is just lame)? As Max Brooks put it, "The slow zombies are a wonderful metaphor for the anxiety of human mortality and fast zombies are gay."

Of course, the slow zombie makes more sense, they are dead after all and dead is definitely not a superpower, but the fast one just makes me want to poop my pants. I have to admit, 28 Days Later is my all-time favorite zombie movie (sorry zombie purists, I know they are technically infected with the rage virus, but I still consider it a zombie flick). Couldn't get it out of my head for months. Like sleep with my door bolted, a light on and the dog on my bed scared.

Speaking of animals, everyone knows zombies don't touch them. I mean, they still have some shred of morality behind all that gray decaying skin, don't they? Which is why I was so appalled to see all those zombies overtake that poor horse on AMC's The Walking Dead last week. I was also disturbed to see that it was filled with so many sausage links. I will be writing a letter.

Without further ado, I will give you my zombie recommendations for the zombie lover in you:

• World War Z
• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
• Shaun of the Dead
• Dawn of the Dead (original)
• 28 Days Later
• Zombieland
• Fido
• Have you seen the original I Am Legend called The Omega Man? It features pale, poetic zombies who just so happen to wear sunglasses at night. Yeah, rent it. Now.

Her TV

She admitted something very odd to me:  One of these

to her is like one of these

to me.  Seriously.  We bought one at Costco a couple days ago.  Remote control, timer, eco-mode, automatic temperature control, automatic overheating sensor, side-to-side sweeping.  She was in heaven.  And I was only out $39.

House vs. compound

A thought occurred to me today, and now all I have are questions.  The question is:  Why do some houses get called compounds?

Do you need to have a lot of guns in a basement?

Does it have to have a fence?  Does the fence need to be a certain height?

Does the FBI have to surround your place before it can be an official compound?

Does something really horrible or illegal have to happen?

Does it have to be in Texas or Florida?

Does the oldest male occupant need to have a long beard?

So many questions.