Another pants store

My trusty dog jumped up on me the other day and ripped my trusty pants, so I needed to get some new pants. So I went to the pants store. Trusty wife had a coupon good for 30% off everything, even clearance stuff. So I got two pairs of pants. Yes, I know what you're thinking: Who needs two pairs of pants? But that's another story for another day.



So anyway, I was pretty happy because I estimate I saved at least $30, and it only took me ten minutes in the store. I went back to my car and found that I'd received a parking ticket - for $30.

Baby animals

With my spawn moving closer and closer to fruition, trusty wife and I have been shopping for all the requisite support items needed to sustain the little squirt. One thing I've noticed is that everything baby related has to have some "cute" phrase on it, like the following:



Even though the statement is absolutely true in my case (Di never makes me eat my veggies when I pull that face), the little veggies are a little ridiculous. Ditto to all the little baby animals on baby clothes. What would happen if everyone in the world over the age of 2 just suddenly disappeared? I'll tell you exactly what would happen: The kids would all get stomped by elephants, eaten by crocodiles, and mauled by lions, because by buying them all these cutesy animal-laden clothes, we have inevitably set them up for disaster, making them think that all animals are cuddly, friendly creatures that have opposable thumbs and play with beach balls and eat with utensils. What a mess. So I think a new line of clothes should be launched, and I'll call it "Don't Touch The Freakin' Animals". Instead of a shirt depicting a squirrel playing tennis with a gorilla, it will be of this:



It's about time you little kids knew the truth: Animals aren't your friends. Even the family dog is terrified of you.