The Subway funk

Credit for coining the term "Subway Funk" goes to Brenn Bowhuis.

You're either saying to yourself "Oh yes, I know exactly what that is", or "By the hammer of Thor, what is that supposed to mean?" I won't mince words: It's the butt-like odor that clings to your entire surface area when you visit your local Subway establishment.

In my opinion, Subway restaurants should be rated based on the Funk Factor, and as in golf, the lower the score the better, and as also applies to golf, at least when I play, most locations would have a high score.

I've narrowed the Funk down to different types, based on my vast expertise of Funk.

(1) Outside: So severe that you can smell it from 50 feet away.
(2) Inside: Odor is constrained to the inside of the building.
(3) Sneak-attack: The most elusive kind. The odor is undetectable until you have eaten, gotten in your car, and driven away, then it reveals itself. Typical behavior by the victim(s) is a mandatory "everybody check their shoes" exercise.

Here are a few examples, along with my ratings, for a very small portion of the Subways I've experienced.


University of Utah, Salt Lake City
A good example of a Subway that isn't too bad. Clean store, low Funk Factor. A good bet if you have to go somewhere else after you eat.


Foothill Drive, Salt Lake City
Eater beware. I didn't even go in because the outside Funk was too much to bear. The employees possibly could have contributed.


500 W 500 S, Bountiful
The Factor may have increased since I was last there, but from what I remember, it wasn't bad. As a disclaimer, this place is fairly new, so it might be a good idea to call ahead and ask one of the Sandwich Artists how bad it is now.


Right off I-15, Nephi
A prime example of the sneak-attack breed of Funk. Very misleading because the store is pretty nice. Unfortunately, this establishment is frequented by people traveling long distances, so the ultimate in pain and suffering should be expected.