Few things annoy me more than local news stations. I'm not being specific about any particular location, I mean all local news, no matter where it is. Local news is like the Geek Squad of journalism: They think they're cool but everyone else thinks they're just a herd of dorks.
The local news equivalent of the Geek Squad VW Beetle is the news helicopter. But it's not just any damn helicopter, it's a special one, which is why they call it a chopper. Local news crews salivate all over themselves about how cool their helicopter (excuse me, chopper) is, and then they get so eager to use the stupid thing that they send it out to film things like car accidents and cops standing around crime scenes. A very efficient use of expensive fuel.
Then there's the reporters, who consider themselves God's gift to the world. In the real world, these people are called puppets. In the UK, these so-called "reporters" are given a much more accurate title: "News readers". Whenever people see a news reader outside of their television boxes, they spit all over themselves. Note to all retards: These people are not celebrities. They're highly trained monkeys who can look into a camera while reading a teleprompter, all while making a ridiculous amount of money for doing nothing. I just realized that all this spells a guaranteed recipe for success: Look into a camera while reading + refer to a helicopter as a chopper + be an egomaniac = $$$.The bigoted idiots who get in fights on the internet message boards of local news stations also need to go. If you ever post on those things then you need to get a life. I imagine it's the same group of 55-year-old men who are responsible for forwarding the world's supply of e-mails of Photoshopped pictures of Air Force jets shooting at Arabs.
This Facebook and Twitter thing has gotten out of hand. I'm considering dropping half of my "friends" from Facebook because I'm so sick about every petty stupid detail about their lives. Seriously, people, are you so lame and pathetic that you have to update your Facebook status to let everybody know that you're making dinner? How about you just make the freaking dinner? And if you really are that pathetic, then you're probably making a dinner that is just as pathetic, like mac and cheese or Hot Pockets or something.
Nobody cares:- how many hours you worked this week.- that you baked pie this afternoon.- that you think something is "yummy" (a word that should be banished from the English language).- that you're a great humanitarian and donated blood and a kidney today.- that your baby won't go to sleep. Maybe the kid won't go to sleep because it keeps hearing the clatter of your computer keys as you update your status to say that your kid won't go to sleep.And another thing: The open-ended status updates that you people come up with to beckon a response from all your friends. Example: "John Doe is feeling sad." Oh, too bad. Maybe you should get a job and not spend all your time on social networks. I already dropped one dude as a friend because he changed his name on Facebook every day to some stupid anagram of his own name. If he had put half as much effort into something useful then he'd probably be a very rich man.
Add this to my creepy baby products list. It's called the Peekaru, and something is wrong with you if you buy it.
I guarantee your kid will not be smiling or feel like it's popping out of your womb again. This looks more like a Teletubbies' freak hermaphrodite siamese sibling that was locked in a closet its whole life.
I'd have to say that the dog is a pretty well-behaved little beast while we're gone, but I still like to keep an eye on her, so I have a webcam running while we're at work that I can check periodically. Or at least I did.
Apparently, she doesn't like being watched, so she took care of the "problem":
You'll notice that she didn't even touch the camera itself, just the cord, in three different places. She could have chewed it apart at just one spot, but she did it in three, just to spite me.
In an abrupt reversal in tone from my usual posts, I will speak of something positive today. We finally got a dog. The cats have been asking for one for at least a year, so we finally got them one, but it's not quite what they expected.
Her name is Elliot (Elli for short). She's an American Eskimo and Australian Shepherd mix, which I guess makes her an Australian Eskimo or American Shepherd, or maybe just a mutt. We took off work and drove up to Idaho (queue the banjo music) to get her. She's three months old and...uh...she's pretty big. This is the size of her paw:
According to my nerdy calculations (narf), she'll be as big as this by the time she's two:
As is typical for anything I do, a mess was created. She (the dog, not Di) barfed three times on the way home. My car smells like a farm, because her puke smells like cow pies. No joke. She was pretty filthy when we got her. This is what our tub looked like after her first bath:
Wait, that might have been after I took a bath. She refuses to use her legs for walking, so I have to carry her around slung over my shoulder. Lazy dog. I'm trying to learn how to say "I'm not buying you a wheelchair" in Dogish.
